Tuesday, August 17, 2010
What have i done this few days?
I just keep making things worse and worse...
I felt as if some evil possessed me...
I couldn't control my emotions...
I can't believe what i did...
I thought she was a hypocrite...
And i can't believe i said that to her...
What have i done???
I misunderstood her excessively...
Things are now indeed a pandemonium...
Why did i do that???
I just found out...
I misunderstood her right from the very beginning...
And it just got deeper each day...
Things were not the way i thought...
I accused her of a "hypocrite"???
I must be really mad to have said that...
I can't imagine how she felt when she knew that...
If her best friend didnt say out the truth yesteday...
I would still had hated her and thought she was a hypocrite!
Damn! I misunderstood her so much!
Despite how she defended me and all that...
This is what i repaid her?!?
I can't imagine how mad she got at me...
I really can't...
Because of this...
Many people are going to hate me again...
Her friends...
Her boyfriend...
Her clique...
Those mentors by her side...
Really...
I keep making enemies...
Waves of mistakes and troubles just keep coming...
I feel so useless all the time...
I am such a heartless person...
I did so many evil things...
Why can't i just be a normal person...
Doing things that are acceptable to people?
Why must i always make others hate me?
Why?!?
I felt that i am not fit to be a mentor...
I thought of quitting mentoring club...
I told samantha that a lot of times...
But she persuaded me to stay...
I really hate myself now...
What have i done?!?
Is there something wrong with me...
She did so many things for me...
And times again and again i just keep accusing her...
An act that is unforgivable...
Why did i said something so heartless?!?
If only time could be reversed...
How i wish none of this has happened...
Commiting such monsterous and evil acts...
I keep hurting those that helped me...
Misunderstanding them as cunning and "fake" people...
Damn! Whats wrong with me?!?
Those are really unrepentable sins...
Anyway thanks jie cheng for telling me what happened...
I even misunderstood you too...
When i knew how she defended me right from the start...
My mind was in a blank...
I cried for a moment...
Why was she so foolish?
She should had told me what happened exactly...
But she took up the whole responsiblity by herself...
And told me everything was fine the next day...
But in fact...
They quarrelled many times...
She didn't want me to worry over it...
She was such a nice girl...
She kept defending me and didnt want to hurt both parties...
But i thought for the sake of saving herself...
She did smth else and thought she was the same as others...
Who just do things for the sake of saving themselves...
And accused her of being a hypocrite...
I misunderstood her so much...
I said that to her so heartlessly...
Just how deep did i hurt her with those acts?
I just can't stop thinking of it now...
What i did and all that...
It ponders on my mind every second...
I don't even know how should i face her now...
She must really hate me a lot now...
I really gotta do alot of self-reflection now...
And make up for my sins...
Its raining heavily now...
I felt even more emo...
Argh!!! Minghao can you just stop thinking too much!?!
多一事不如少一事...
All i beg for now is that everything's damage is minimal...
I hope that she was not so hurt...
JUST FOR THE SAKE OF WHAT I DID!
Its not worth seriously...
Over such a hopeless person like me...
Please...
I pray that everything is fine
Just let her forget everything...
The pain...
The accusation...
Thanks...
Finished @ 5:19 PM
